The first episode of WHOvivor opens on a massive warehouse, located somewhere in the Capitol on Gallifrey. The sixteen WHOvivors are rushing around loading up gear onto two transmat platforms. One is colored yellow, the other orange.
Our host, the unflappable Jeff Probst, shoves the answers to next week's episode of Rock 'n Roll Jeopardy back under his safari shirt and explains what's going on.
"Right now, the WHOvivors have three minutes to gather as much stuff as they can from this room and put it on the transmat platforms. The sixteen contestants have been divided into two tribes, the Kaleds and the Thals. Each tribe has been assigned a color -- the Kaleds are orange while the Thals are yellow.
"Once these three minutes are up, they'll be whisked away into the Death Zone where they'll begin their thirty-nine day adventure. The last castaway remaining after those thirty-nine days will be our winner, and go home with one million grotzits."
Suddenly, the sound of a cloister bell echoes through the room and the WHOvivors hop onto the appropriate transmat platform, barely squeezing in amongst all the loot -- metal beams, food rations, water canisters and so forth. They dematerialise.
The scene shifts to a desolate wasteland. Far in the distance, a tall black spire is barely discernable. The WHOvivors and their gear appear, materialising on two large pallets. A few moments later, Jeff joins them, flaunting a shiny new personal teleportation device.
"Each tribe has been given a map to the spot where they'll set up camp," he explains. "You only need to go in a straight line, so I expect at least half of you will make it there without getting lost. Okay, pick up your gear and go!"
With some difficulty, the two teams of eight heft their overburdened pallets off the ground and head off. Unable to help his tribe carry the gear, Davros, with the Thal tribe, settles for making obscene gestures at the Kaled tribe with his remaining hand.
The hike to the campsites is long and arduous. The Kaled tribe is confronted at one point by a Tetrap whom Azaxyr quickly disembowels. "Dinner is served!" the Ice Warrior announces triumphantly, licking his reptilian lips. Susan somehow manages to twist her ankle, despite the encounter lasting slightly less than twenty-one seconds.
The Thal castaways reach their campsite first, situated on a rocky hilltop. Leela and the Rani bond quickly, and start discussing how to best use the terrain to their advantage in the event of an attack. "If nothing else, we could always roll that fat kid Adric downhill," notes the Rani.
Everyone sets to work, except the Monk who sits on a large boulder, protesting that, as a member of the clergy, he should be responsible for the tribe's spiritual wellbeing while everyone else should be responsible for his physical wellbeing.
Mel, meanwhile, tries to get everyone to sit around in a circle and get to know one another. She suggests they first try to learn everyone's name, but only Alpha's diplomatic skills prevent her from being strangled by the rest of the tribe when she starts singing, "Tlotoxl, Botoxl, Bo-boxl, Banana-fana-fo-foxl, Me-mi-mo-moxl, Tlotoxl!"
Finally, Adric and Mel set about constructing a latrine, Tlotoxl starts putting together a sacrificial altar, and everyone else tries to figure out what they can use to build a shelter.
Meanwhile, the Kaled WHOvivors have finally reached their campsite as well, nestled into a copse of burnt-out trees. Glitz and Susan head off to find a water hole mentioned on their map, buried deeper into the woods. They have no luck locating it until all of a sudden Susan trips over it, twisting her other ankle.
"You know," says Glitz, "if only we two know where the water hole is, they won't be able to vote us both out."
"Yes," laughs Susan, "and if one of us were to eliminate the other, we'd be totally safe!"
"My dear, you're a girl after my own heart," mutters Glitz, trying but failing to locate a rock big enough to bash her over the head with.
Once darkness falls, the WHOvivors are nervous but good-spirited. With not so much as a lean-to constructed by either tribe, they have to sleep out in the open, and huddle together for warmth and protection. Ben huddles a little too close to Peri, and spends the rest of the night nursing a sore lip.
Before going to sleep, Soldeed entertains his fellow Kaled castaways by telling them all about his imaginary friend "Lord Nimon", who will devour them at his behest any day now.
Tensions begin to flare up as both tribes set about constructing some sort of dwelling that will last them the next thirty-eight days. Several of the WHOvivors, especially the really evil ones, feel ostracised from their more benevolent companions.
Says Davros, "The hardest part is hanging around all these pathetic do-gooders. I do not even know what a 'group hug' means! I created a Dalek empire which spanned galaxies -- I do not need a 'group hug'! If they all listened to me, we would murder the weaklings and use their bodies to distract the predators. But they're not going to do that. I have to fit in, not them. There are more of them than there is of me... for now. Hahahahahahahahahaha!"
Alpha spends most of the morning hopping around, entertaining the Thal tribe with the strange colors she can turn her body into. Some of her fellows start to complain about the bad smell that her color-shifting is causing, until one of the robotic cameramen, Gary-7, points out that that's actually Adric's body odor.
Over at the Kaled camp, the biggest concern is how to make fire. Azaxyr suggests rubbing Ben and Liz together until they combust, but this plan is vetoed by the others. Finally, Bernice realises that the alcoholic concoction she brought with her is actually so potent that it has an incendiary reaction with the dead trees. After a three-hour personal debate about whether it'd be worth giving up a sixth of her drink in order to make fire, Bernice caves in, and the Kaled campfire is born.
The Thal tribe is not quite so lucky. Leela explains that she grew up in a jungle, not a rocky wasteland, and needs a few good twigs to make fire. She does set about trying to catch one of the three-eyed Gallifreyan sloths which invaded their campsite over the night. "It will be good to eat," she explains to the others. "Like chicken, but with three eyes. And extra slothiness."
Midway through the afternoon, a hologrammatic message from Jeff Probst instructs the two tribes to meet at a fetid swamp for the first of their Challenges.
"During their time in the Death Zone," explains Jeff, "the WHOvivors will have the chance to participate in both Reward Challenges and Immunity Challenges. Reward Challenges give them the chance to win something which will make their stay in the Death Zone easier. Immunity Challenges determine which tribe has to meet me at the Dark Tower to vote one of their members out of the game.
"Today's Challenge is both a Reward Challenge and an Immunity Challenge. It's called 'Burning in Effigy'. Each tribe will have to carry a large blue police box across through the swamp to a small island. There they will have to light a torch and then set fire to each of five wooden statues -- four small ones along the route and then one large one at the finish line. Every tribe member must keep one hand on the police box at all times. The first tribe to set fire to all five statues wins immunity from the first Tribal Council, as well as a box of Everlasting Matches." The two teams gather at the swamp and move into position at the starting line. Leela wonders aloud whether Davros' travel machine will work in the swamp, but the wizened scientist merely scoffs. "Of course this is waterproof!" he tells her. "What do I look like, K-9?"
At a signal from Jeff, the two tribes race into the swamp. Several of the WHOvivors are clearly having difficulty: Susan twists her ankle again, Bernice is still hung over from the night before, the Monk constantly trips over the hem of his robe, and the barely-mobile Alpha can only hop along as fast as she's able.
The first to reach the small island where the fire is burning is the Thal tribe, who quickly turn about and begin setting fire to their statues. They note that each one has a strange, obscure name written on it -- Saward, Cartmel, Darvill-Evans, Segal. They head toward the large statue at the finish line, emblazoned with no name but just the three letters JNT. Mel wonders aloud why it looks like the statue is wearing a garish Hawaiian shirt.
Suddenly, as the Thal tribe emerges from the swamp, Alpha loses her footing and falls to the ground, all eight limbs flailing about wildly, forcing her compatriots to stop and help her up. As they do so, the Kaled tribe, which had been lagging behind the whole time, surges past them and sets fire to the JNT statue, winning the Challenge. The Thal tribe will have to meet Jeff in Tribal Council the next day to vote off one of their own.
As the disillusioned Thal tribe awakens, they note that Tlotoxl has gone off alone, presumably to sacrifice a three-eyed Gallifreyan sloth to his gods to bring better luck for the next Challenge, doom to the Kaled tribe, or preferably both.
The Monk, meanwhile, has cobbled together some of the equipment they brought with them from the Capitol into a makeshift hoverpad. It only lasts for a couple of hours before imploding (nearly taking Alpha with it, though it isn't clear if this was intentional), but it makes the job of constructing the shelter significantly easier. "Just like Stonehenge!" he exclaims gleefully.
Alpha spends most of the day fretting over the fact that she cost her tribe victory in Tribal Council the night before. She turns several garish shades of red in the process.
Leela reflects on the fact that her perceptions of many of her fellow castaways are already changing. About the Monk, for instance, she intones, "He is smart, this one. He surprises. He is fat, but he is good."
Mel tries to encourage some of the others to form a voting block against the tribespeople with a number of arms differing from two. Their first target, she tells them, should be Davros. The Rani agrees to the alliance, but is later heard to mutter about "that dumb chick Mel".
That evening, the Thal tribe makes the long trek to the Dark Tower. In a desperately contrived ritual, they each bang the Gong of Rassilon as they enter and sit at the Uncomfortable Stools of Rassilon while Jeff reads from the Prepared Speech of Rassilon. They are each given torches which they then light in the Fire of Rassilon. "In the Death Zone, fire represents life," Jeff tells them, apparently blessed with the Hamminess of Rassilon. "These torches now represent your life, your identity here at Tribal Council." They will bring these torches back with them to each Tribal Council.
With that silliness over with, Jeff engages in some meaningless chitchat with the Thal WHOvivors. After chewing the scenery for an appropriate amount of time he tells them, "It's time to vote." One by one, they head to the Voting Booth of Rassilon...
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