WHOvivor Episode 11

by Shannon Patrick Sullivan

Day Thirty-One

The final half-dozen mope wearily around their hillside camp in the Death Zone. With the departure of Ben the previous night, only Susan, Peri, Bernice, the Rani, Leela and the Monk remain in the competition. Everyone is tired, sore, and hungry -- things have gotten so bad, in fact, that Leela actually admits to missing Adric.

Not everyone's health is holding up, either. Susan, in particular, is covered with sores and insect bites, all over her legs.

"Funny, I thought her ankles would be the first to go!" admits Peri.

Susan is finding the lesions increasingly irritating and distracting, and says as much to the rest of the tribe. The Rani moves over to look at her. "Disgusting!" she pronounces.

"Oh, come on, my legs aren't that bad," Susan chides her.

"Hm?" says the Rani. "I wasn't looking at your legs!"

Meanwhile, the Monk is in the throes of a deep depression. Images flash before his eyes: Ben, Davros, Adric, Tlotoxl. "I can't believe I'm the only man left! I'm the last of my kind!" he wails. "Well, not counting the Rani." He stares at down at his habit in frustration. "God, I miss those guys... erm, if you know what I mean."

The inscrutable Jeff Probst appears then to announce the latest Reward Challenge. It turns out to be something very different -- a trivia contest. "Nobody told me I'd actually have to think during this thing!" Peri whines.

"The reward is none other than a night spent on the High Council's own cruise hypership!" Jeff reveals. "Complete with a meal, a massage, and a few other surprises!"

"Men?" asks Peri.

"Beer?" asks Bernice.

"Men?" asks the Monk.

"Skin cream?" asks Susan.

"Galactic domination?" asks the Rani.

Leela just grunts.

"Now, now," says Jeff, "that would be telling!"

The competition begins. One wrong answer knocks that WHOvivor out of the contest.

"Okay..." begins Jeff. "Spell Romanadvoratrelundar."

"Romanadvoratrelundar?" queries Peri. "Spell?" queries Leela. The two are quickly out of the running.

"Next question... what is Peri's real first name?"

"Oh, screw you, too," gripes Peri.

The competition is whittled down to the Monk, Susan and Bernice.

"Okay, next up... Offer, in ten words or less, a solution to the UNIT dating problem."

"Um, pair up Yates and Benton?" suggests Bernice.

Down to just Susan and the Monk, Jeff asks the deciding question. "The author of the epic poems the Iliad and the Odyssey and a yellow 20th century cartoon character share what first name?"

"Erm, Tweetie Bird?" offers Susan.

"I know it! I know it!" squeals the Monk. "Homer! Homer! Homer!"

With the Monk victorious, Jeff tells him that he will be by the Gallifreya campsite the next morning to pick him up.

Day Thirty-Two

Early in the day, Jeff returns in a small carrier pod to ferry the Monk to his one-day holiday destination.

"Where is it?" says Susan. "The sun isn't up yet, it's too dark to see."

"Um, actually," says Bernice. "I think the ship is blotting out the sun."

And indeed, towering in the air above them is an enormous luxury cruiser. With a wave to the five ladies, the Monk soars off into the sky with Jeff. Once on board, he is introduced to all the ship's amenities -- a massage parlor (the Monk is disappointed to note that the masseuse is just a robot), a luxury dinner all for him, and even a complete library of the works of the great Greek poets!

Much later, after the Monk is thoroughly refreshed, Jeff returns. "Now, before you fall asleep on the nice king-sized bed with fluffy pillows and satin sheets we have prepared, the Captain would like to meet you."

Jeff leads the Monk onto the bridge, where one lone man stands, his back to them.

"Um, hello," the Monk begins diffidently.

The "Captain" turns around. "Hello, Monky baby," he says. The Monk's jaw drops in shock.

"That's right, Monk!" exclaims Jeff. "It's your old buddy Ulf the Viking from 1066 England!"

The Monk claps his hands excitedly.

"I've even brought your Viking helmet," says Ulf. "You know, the one with the two horns."

"Thanks for coming, Jeff, I'll see you tomorrow," utters the Monk as Jeff makes a beeline for the exit.

Day Thirty-Three

"Someone explain to me again why we voted off all the guys?" Peri asks aloud as the women wake up on this, the first day of the final week in the Death Zone.

It has been a tedious, wet, cold twenty-four for them back at the campsite, made all the worse when they see the Monk hop off the carrier pod, looking bathed and refreshed (albeit a little exhausted).

"Welcome back," Leela says, pointing a sharpened stick at the Monk ominously.

"Um, thanks."

"Hey, did you sit on something funny?" asks Susan.

"No time to lose, folks," says Jeff, hopping off the carrier pod behind the Monk. "Time for the next Immunity Challenge!"

"Why are we starting so early?" asks the Rani.

"Oh, you'll see!" Jeff leads them to the very spot of their Tribal Councils: the Dark Tower. They stop just outside its doors.

"Since we've been doing such a great job coming up with really fun and interesting Challenges so far, we thought we'd do a total 180 and make the next Challenge incredibly, incredibly boring."

"Very funny, Jeff," mutters Bernice.

"Who's trying to be funny? This competition is called Watching Paint Dry. We need to put a new lick of paint on the Dark Tower -- I mean, we can't have people referring to it at the Kind Of Dim Tower, now can we? -- and you guys get the job. And the first person to totally paint their area and watch it dry totally -- without falling asleep, mind you! -- wins Immunity. "Okay, everybody got a can of paint and a brush? WHOvivors ready... Go!"

The six competitors start to work -- all except Leela who gives up immediately and dumps her can of paint over Jeff's head. "Bet you wish you were a holom-- holog-- ghost this time!"

The Rani, Susan and the Monk quickly lag behind; the Monk, in particular, is so tired from his... exertions... of the previous night that he lies down to take a nap even before he's finished painting.

That leaves it to just Peri and Bernice, but once she's finished painting, Peri just can't concentrate on watching it dry. "I'm an American!" she wails. "Our natural attention span is only seventeen seconds!"

In the end, it is Bernice who wins Immunity. "Ha!" she says. "I'm an archaeologist... I've spent weeks doing stuff way more boring than this!"

The job done and the nappers wakened, the six remaining WHOvivors head inside the Dark Tower for Tribal Council...

Voting for the eleventh Tribal Council has now closed. Thanks to everyone who participated. Look for the results when Episode Twelve is posted on Wednesday, November 15th. Don't forget that this coming week will be the last for WHOvivor. The final regular Tribal Council will begin on November 15th, and then starting on Sunday, November 19th will be your chance to choose a winner amongst the Final Four. Then check back in on Thursday, November 23rd (Doctor Who's thirty-seventh anniversary) for the grand finale!

Disclaimer and Copyright

Doctor Who: WHOvivor is copyright 2000 Shannon Patrick Sullivan. Correspondence is welcome at shannon@mun.ca. No portion of this web site may reproduced without the consent of the author.

Doctor Who is copyright 2000 by the British Broadcasting Corporation. Survivor is copyright 2000 CBS Worldwide, Inc. No infringement is intended upon the rights of the BBC, CBS Worldwide, or or any holders of any copyright referenced herein. This web site is intended solely as a work of parody.

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