WHOvivor Episode 12

by Shannon Patrick Sullivan


Day Thirty-Four

Leela tries to pick the nits off Peri, who runs away.

The Monk moans about how hungry he is, before he remembers that he intentionally stopped catching food in order to remind the others of his value around camp.

Leela tries to pick the nits off Bernice, who runs away.

The Rani fitfully tries to shave various parts of her anatomy.

Leela tries to pick the nits off the Monk, who briefly lets her until Leela realises what she's doing, and runs away.

The Rani and Leela get into an argument about who could more quickly slaughter the other WHOvivors with their bare hands. Everyone else runs away.

Later, the Rani speaks emotionally about her fellow conspiracy-mate. "Leela's like the best friend I never had," she says with tears in her eyes. "Or wanted, for that matter. I swear, no matter what happens in this game, I won't f*** her."

"Heard that one before," smirks the Monk.

That's about it for this day, really.


Day Thirty-Five

The tedium is finally interrupted mid-afternoon when our host, the incredible Jeff Probst, materialises in Camp Gallifreya's midst. "Fortunately, this is the last Reward Challenge," he tells the castaways, "because, boy, are we running out of ideas."

Jeff leads the five remaining contestants to a huge field covered in old videotape. "When the video distribution contract switched from CBS/FOX to Warners," he says, "all those videos with the CBS/FOX logo had to go. This... is where old videotape comes to die."

Peri shudders visibly. "God," she whispers, "I think that copy of The Twin Dilemma just moved."

"The challenge is to, um, drag as much videotape as possible into these buckets we've got set up, using any part of your bodies you want. Extra points for depositing the film in chronological order. You've got two minutes. WHOvivors ready? Go!"

The five competitors start at it furiously, but as the seconds tick by, it quickly becomes apparent that they are heading toward a five-way tie. Finally, with just moments left on the imaginary clock, Leela snaps her fingers, seizes Peri and dumps all the videotape she was carrying into her own vat, along with her load.

"Congratulations, Leela!" says Jeff enthusiastically. "For your reward, not only do you get to preview the opening installment of this very programme, but you also get to go out on a date with me, Jeff Probst, to Gallifrey's favourite bar, the Chronic Hysterisis!"

"Is it too late to concede?" moans Leela.

That night, while Leela is off in the Capitol, everyone else breathes a little easier, the threat of getting a janis thorn in the back gone for at least a few hours. The Monk plots with the Rani. Peri plots with Bernice. Everyone continues to deny that there is any sort of secret alliance in existence. Definitely none. No way, no sir.


Day Thirty-Six

With Leela once more back amongst the fold, the five remaining WHOvivors gather, awaiting the Immunity Challenge which will guarantee one of them a place in the Final Four.

"Well, it can't be any worse than that stupid video challenge yesterday," sighs Bernice.

Suddenly, Jeff appears, dressed up like the Goth chick in Blair Witch 2.

"I have got to learn to keep my big mouth shut," Bernice groans.

Jeff hands everybody a video camera, and then spends four hours showing Leela how to turn it on. This finally done, he explains the rules of the game to them all.

"We've got trivia questions about past Tribal Councils stuck up all over the petrified forest near the old Kaled camp," Jeff tells them. "The idea is to run in, find a trivia question, answer it correctly on tape, then follow the directions to the next question. The first person to answer all four correctly and make it back out to me wins Immunity. Any questions?"

Leela raises her hand. After taking another three hours to explain how to turn the camera again, a weary Jeff finally raises his hand for the WHOvivors to begin.

The Monk finds the first trivia question. "'Who was the first person ejected in a Tribal Council?' Ummm... Alpha Centauri!"

Next comes Leela: "'What two castaways tied for ejection at a Tribal Council?' I do not know."

Peri: "'Who was the first person ejected from the merged Gallifreya tribe?' Easy one... that was Adric!"

Leela: "'Who was the first person ejected in a Tribal Council?' I do not know."

Bernice: "'Of the remaining WHOvivors, who are the only ones not to receive a vote yet at any Tribal Council?' Me and Leela, I think."

The Rani: "'What two castaways tied for ejection at a Tribal Council?' Adric and Tlotoxl, of course. Foolish question. So beneath my intelligence."

Leela: "'Who was the first person ejected from the merged Gallifreya tribe?' Oh, yes, that was... uh... I do not know."

Finally, Peri emerges from the petrified forest, followed quickly by Bernice, the Rani and the Monk. "Um, where's Leela?" asks Jeff.

"Oh," says the Monk, "I think I saw her beating her camcorder off a tree a ways back there."

With a sigh, Jeff begins reviewing Peri's tape. "Bernice and Leela... Adric, yep, heh heh... Tlotoxl and Adric... Alpha Centauri. Right, got 'em all! Congratulations, Peri, you've got Immunity. See the rest of you tonight."

And, that night, the five remaining castaways make the long trek from the Gallifreya campsite to the Dark Tower for Tribal Council...


Voting for the twelfth Tribal Council has now closed. Thanks to everyone who participated. The results are now available on the main WHOvivor page. And, starting now, you can help choose the winner of WHOvivor -- just click here! Vote by Wednesday, November 22nd and then check back in on Thursday, November 23rd (Doctor Who's thirty-seventh anniversary) for the grand finale!


Doctor Who: WHOvivor is copyright © 2000 Shannon Patrick Sullivan. Correspondence is welcome at shannon@mun.ca. No portion of this web site may reproduced without the consent of the author.

Doctor Who is copyright © 2000 by the British Broadcasting Corporation. Survivor is copyright © 2000 CBS Worldwide, Inc. No infringement is intended upon the rights of the BBC, CBS Worldwide, or or any holders of any copyright referenced herein. This web site is intended solely as a work of parody.

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